ethnicroadkill: (Liir Ko x Trism bon Cavalish)
[personal profile] ethnicroadkill
Yesterday morning on the bus, I was reflecting on how far I've come. I went from a lost, anxious, scared, and confused little boy to being a confident, capable, driven leader of a man.

There's a guy in my life now. I've been seeing him since June. I think back on the times when I'd hate my body and lay around feeling lower than shit, convinced I would never find a man who loved me. And here I've found a beautiful, kind gentleman, in my tiny midwestern town, in real life, and we share so many hobbies and our personalities mesh so well. I wouldn't say I'm in love--I still don't know important things like his beliefs, his likes and dislikes, his outlook on life--but I do love him. And he loves me, though again, he isn't in love with me at this point.

Lana Del Rey's song Video Games comes to mind when I think of him. It may not be about being in love, but tonally and lyrics-wise it reminds me of him.

"Heaven is a place on Earth with you
Tell me all the things you wanna do
I heard that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true?
It's better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
And baby, now you do"

I wish I could go back in time and hold that boy I used to be. Kiss him on the forehead and tell him it will be OK. Years from now, I guarantee for a fact that you will find someone and he'll kiss you and help you out a little, and it'll be better than you ever even knew. Life may not be constant happiness--some of the things you learned about life was a lie. But you will eventually find bright, gleaming rays of sunshine to relentlessly pierce its unending darkness.
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March 2017

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