I'm done

Apr. 15th, 2016 10:29 pm
ethnicroadkill: (Maki Sonomura)
I can't stay here anymore. There are no men, there are no opportunities, there are no jobs. I'm getting the fuck out of here and clawing my way up. And it's gonna be hard, and it's not gonna have immediate rewards, and I'll be in pain and cry. Bottom line is, I have spent the past five years of my life hoping for change, trying to fight other people in my position for scraps, and getting ousted in the end anyway. I'm going to leave as fast as I can.
ethnicroadkill: (Ryu; Nina; Lin)
Well, another two weeks have gone by. (I forgot all about updating last week, oops.)

Not much has happened. I feel sad because I can't find a job. Um... not much else has happened. My friend Gean got a job--did I tell anyone here that? I'm happy for her. Mostly I'm ruminating over how I need to try and get out of this rut I'm in, but I can't seem to be able to.

I'm on disc 2 of Parasite Eve II. Bounty Mode is going alright. I also returned to Tomb Raider III on PlayStation. I had watched a lot of gay films last week. Let me try to recount them.

- Out to Kill: Somewhat stars one of my favorite musicians, who also contributed to the score. A party boy throws, well, a party for a Floridan apartment block and winds up dead, apparently of an overdose, but his loved ones don't accept that. A gay PI takes the case, and the twists and turns will shock you. The guys in this are pretty hot, too.

- Is It Just Me?: A writer meets someone on a gay dating site, but didn't realize his go-go boy roommate's profile was left up by mistake. Some attempted-hilarious hijinks ensue, and it ends with the protagonist the the guy he met getting together. I really can't recommend it.

- Eat With Me: This one was actually a really nice celebration of life. An Asian-American man struggles with his love life and keeping his late uncle's restaurant afloat. On the flip side, his mother realizes that she may be unhappy in her bland, unfulfilling marriage. She goes to stay with her son and the effect each other's lives. George Takei makes a cameo, which is awesome. I also have to say that Nicole Sullivan, who played Maureen in this movie, really nailed her character!

- Bear City: A more twinkish guy realizes he likes men with a bit of heft to them--namely, the hairy, chunky men known as bears. The "plot" is fucking awful, and the protagonist doesn't even end up with a bear-guy, but an older muscle "hunk" type. Horrible, horrible excuse of a film.

- Any Day Now: In 1979, a drag queen and lawyer end up raising a boy with Down's syndrome after his druggie mother is arrested. It being 1979, you can only expect things to end in tragedy, but the more refreshing part of this movie was the fact that the tragedy doesn't affect the protagonist and his boyfriend's relationship.

- Do I Sound Gay to You?: A documentary on the "gay accent." Basically, there's evidence to prove that boys who were raised with girls--friendship-wise or family-wise--will have more feminine-sounding voices and feminine interests. It was pretty comforting to me to watch. It also has some pretty fascinating

Not sure what else I may watch. A lot of LGBT+ films are depressing as fuck. Like, "White Gays Are Happy for a Brief Period, Then Get AIDS and Die" is the name of every single other fucking gay film out there.

Sailor Moon Crystal Season III came out today. It was really good. I won't spoil it for anyone here, but I can say that with this, Crystal is coming in to its own at last. No word on when Miraculous Ladybug may start airing again on Nickelodeon, though.

I can't think of anything else to write. I'm going to go see if I can go eat more food.
ethnicroadkill: (Jill Valentine)
My stomach feels really large. I know I haven't gained any weight, but I'm just constantly aware of how fat I am. I still think I look pretty good, but when you find out you have a health issue that's directly related to your weight, it kind of takes the confidence right out of you. It also sucks when said health issue prevents you from working out... Like, right now, I can't even do my stretches, so my back is in major pain.

At the very least, I hope that this has taught me the reason why I am losing weight is not because I want to be more conventionally attractive, but rather so I don't have all the health issues that come along with obesity.

The missing apostrophe key in my laptop is really getting on my damn nerves lately. I really wanna get the keyboard replaced, but I dunno if I could survive a few days without my computer, hahaha. Plus, there's the little fact that I can't afford it right now.

Speaking of cash, the job hunt is still not going well at all. I know I just gotta stick with it, but this is just a miserable existence. I need results now. I can't wait a year, two years, four, eight, fifteen until I somehow land a job picking up dog shit. I've already resolved that I have to go to college to get some kind of degree. I'm thinking I'll end up being a programmer of some sort. I've grown more and more comfortable with the idea over the past several months.

I've been trying to watch more movies lately. I finally saw GBF, which I had been meaning to see for years purely because Megan Mulally plays a side character in the film as one of the teens' mothers. I really recommend it; it is totally a typical high school coming of age film, but with a couple of gays (And heavily implied lesbians.) in it. The movie is on Netflix; I definitely think you should watch it if you want a new film in your itinerary. I was a little disappointed by a certain aspect of the ending, but I feel that the resolution they reached was a mature one, so I can't say I'm honestly too downtrodden by it.

After, like, four years, I've finally returned to Star Ocean: First Departure, a remake of the never-released Super Famicom title, Star Ocean: Fantastic Space Odyssey. While Fantastic Space Odyssey is indeed a fantastic technological marvel of its time, I feel like First Departure's combat system is more intuitive. In the original, to move around the battlefield you have to point and click an area to go to. The remake just has free movement. Another fix that I like is that First Departure has a kind of auto-targeting system, where a character will run up to an enemy and attack just by pressing the X Button once. Fantastic Space Odyssey makes you choose a target, then press the A Button to attack. Every single time. So you basically are double-tapping the A Button every time you wanna swing your weapon. First Departure's battle system is just waaay better.

It took me some doing to try and find out where the hell I was supposed to be going in First Departure, but I figured it out. Now we're doing a bit of level grinding, going from about level 45 to level 50. It's honestly not so bad, considering that the enemies in the dungeon I'm supposed to be in give tons of experience. I had half the team done in about an hour. My only complaint with this area is that I have to run out of the dungeon I'm grinding in, then I have to run out of the dungeon with easy enemies that we had to run through to get to this dungeon, then I have to run to a town to heal and buy more items. (Also not a problem, since the enemies in the dungeon I need to be in drop a lot of money.)

I also finally got every rank in Parasite Eve II, so I can start the harder difficulties--and I did! I started Bounty Mode, which places creatures from the end of the game at the very sart. It also makes enemies deal twice more damage to Aya, making a single bite from any foe into a deadly affair. I've had to pay the price a couple of times... So far I'm having fun though. After basically speed running Parasite Eve II thirteen times in a row, it's so refreshing to just sit back and enjoy the plot and take my sweet time doing a creature massacre. Oh, I also got my Parasite Eve II disc 1 rebuffed, so it looks all nice and pretty again. I kind of want to get some other games fixed up too, but at the same time--nah. I especially don't wanna risk my rarer games getting damaged somehow, like Persona 2: Eternal Punishment.

Final Fantasy XIII is also on the roster again. I don't care if this game is hated by the fandom; I have such good, fond memories associated with all of the FFXIII trilogy. I find the stories beautiful. That's not to say I don't have my issues with them, (Why the hell weren't we able to fight Jihl before Dysley offed her, dammit?!) but it doesn't hurt my appreciation for them.

I'm going to go get a peanut butter and jelly half-sandwich and keel over for the night, hopefully for a longer amount of time than I did earlier.
ethnicroadkill: (Lufia)
There's a new comics and figures shop in town. This makes six total "nerd hotspots" than I know of. There's Rockheads, Old Toys Live On, Inner Child, Colosseum Games, My Animix, and now Double Daggers. We also have a pawnshop and a Something Different in town, though one is just an electronics shop that happens to also sell games and systems, and the other randomly sells games and systems for some reason?

Anyway, I'm primarily talking about Double Daggers here. It was, I think, their first day of being open. There was a Wolverine with a cloth outfit... I wonder if it's removable. Heheheh. No Tomb Raider comics, as far as I could tell, but I can always hit up Rockheads for that. But I got a voucher card for 10% off any purchase! Nothing really that caught my eye other than that cute Wolvy figurine, but it was a decent selection for it having been their first day.

Edit - I stopped by Family Video to see if I could get my old Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness disc rebuffed and, hopefully, fixed and working again. Two good things: not only did it work again when I took it home, but I didn't have to pay anything for it because they forgot about me and made me wait too long. (I was a good boy and was patient, for the record! I never make a scene when it comes to dealing with retail workers.) I plan on giving it away during a Twitch stream.

I also went to Old Toys Live On to get rid of the six or so racing games I got with my PSone, and got $3 for them altogether. Not bad, but not great either. I don't really care either way. They didn't really have any Barbies--or other merch--I was interested in, so I just went home. I was tempted by a 90's Pocahontas they had, but I decided that I didn't really need her.

I think I'm done for the day now though.
ethnicroadkill: (Alis Landale)
I'm randomly really sad tonight. I was going to go to bed at 1 AM (It's now 2 AM as I write this post.) and I just can't help but be upset about my life and circumstances. I don't want to detail it here, since I just ranted in the mirror at myself (It's weird, I looked at myself and thought I look really handsome. Yeah, weird.) for 30 minutes about it. But I'm just so, so sad. Every time I try to bring positive energy in my life, it gets immediately squashed. And the more I desperately claw to make a life for myself, the more it just gets taken from me. It feels like I'm not going to get anywhere, like whenever I make plans, I'm actually trying to convince myself rather than just detail something to others or reconfirm it with myself.

I busy myself with video games and anime and shit that doesn't matter and for what? It hurts. Everything hurts. I don't want it to anymore.

I want to experience life and have a boyfriend. I want to be skinny and pretty and have connections to people and not just live my entire life on the internet. I love you all, I really do, but it comes to a point where I need time away from the screen, and it just hurts so badly as the realization weighs heavy that the hobbies I started in between real life have now become my life.

I'm not going to get out of here without hard work. I keep telling myself "I can do it." I repeat Aya's words the first time she Overdived into the past, "I can do it." That mantra working for me is my only wish.

Maybe I'll go see if there are any used dolls for sale I can dote over and tidy up. I haven't the foggiest of what I would do with them though.
ethnicroadkill: (Miraculous Ladybug)
Not much is going on. I'm progressing more in Dragon Quest IV, and I'm thinking of returning to The Wizard of Oz: Beyond the Yellow Brick Road when I'm all done with it. I went to a temp staffing service for an interview, and now I work for them. It seems like there are some complicated rules, but I need to pay my bills and get some new clothes and shoes. It'll be nice to do that.

I washed my 6" Irwin 2000 Sailor Moon doll today. Her hair was kind of sticky and gross, so I shampooed it, and I cleaned some dust stains off her uniform. My 11.5" Irwin 1990's Doctor Tomoe had some dust stains on his jacket, which is what prompted me to look at everyone else, which lead me to Moon's dust stains. Tomoe's jacket is all white, so he just got that outright bleached. Most of the stains went away, and the big one on the back is faded.

Six more runs of Parasite Eve II to go until I have every ranking reward unlocked, then I move on to the higher difficulties. I have to say, The 3rd Birthday really improved in every way on the unlockables from the previous two games. That's ten years of experience for ya though.

It's really nice out today, about 60° F. If we didn't put plastic over our windows for the cold winter, I would've opened mine up! But I got enough fresh air and sun while walking to and from the staffing place. (I partially took a bus, partially walked.) My father told me he would make grilled burgers today, but apparently the hamburger didn't thaw thoroughly today, so I was told to have a Campbell's Chunky Soup instead. I'm not sure what flavors there are.

My friend Gean has been texting me a lot, which I appreciate! It's nice to talk to her, but I would like to see her in person. Oh well.

I started a daily schedule just to try and give myself some structure, and the visit to the temp service made me so out of schedule. I still need to sweep my room, exercise, trim my nails, and call the medical transport for group therapy on Wednesday, but I am so tired. I'll get to it eventually, I'm sure.

Miraculous Ladybug is on hiatus in the USA, apparently, but the Miraculers (Miraculous Ladybug fandom.) made such a huge noise about it that Nickelodeon had to publicly announce what's going on with the show. Made me a little proud, hahaha. (That reminds me, I need Marinette icon... Edit - Now I don't! Yay!)

I wonder if I should stream some Tomb Raider today.
ethnicroadkill: (Basch fon Ronsenburg x Vossler Azelas)
Last night I just wanted to enjoy silence. I don't know why. But I really just wanted quiet. It's strange; usually I'm playing video games or have a Twitch stream up or am watching a show to pass the time. But last night I just wanted to lay down and listen to the clock tick by.

I'm excited for the rainy season. I can't wait to just open my windows and listen to the rain fall down in otherwise complete silence. My parents are always watching shows where people are yelling at each other or screaming or shouting. And they blast their TVs up so, so loud. Always so loud. I'm so tired of it.

Man. All I want is to get laid. I know that's a "stereotypical man" thing to say, but I'm going on 23 and I've only ever made it to third base with a guy. Why do guys always want to tell me sweet nothings when we're first starting out? I don't want that--I hate that. I barely know you. Save that for a relationship. Flirt and joke around with me while we're still just banging, ya dumbass.

That's all I really have to report. I'm playing Dragon Quest IV: Chapters of the Chosen. 17 hours in and we're chasing after Alena for the feverfew root to have her, Borya, and Kiryl join the team.

I'm wishing the best for all of you.
ethnicroadkill: (Lufia)
My Tomb Raider obsession has largely subsided, and I started playing RPGs again. I started doing runs of the Ancient Cave in Lufia II again. The Ancient Cave is basically a giant randomly-generated dungeon with 99 floors. It's pretty fun. I also resumed my Lufia: The Legend Returns save file. Apparently, my mod of The Legend Returns didn't work on real hardware and no one ever told me. It was pretty easy to fix, thankfully. And I got back to Dragon Quest IV: Chapters of the Chosen again. I'm in Chapter 4. One more chapter until I get my heroine, Bonnie. Named after Bonnie Tyler, due to their similar hairstyles.

For some reason, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir was moved from 12 PM (Eastern Standard Time) to 7 PM. (Also EST.) I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I've heard from a few sources that maybe the demographic just changed; I know Miraculous Ladybug is pretty popular with 11 to 14-year-old young women. I just don't know how good a 7 PM EST time slot is for a show.

I think I'm going to end up signing up with a temp service to try and get some cash. I need some new clothes and new tennis shoes. And it would be nice to have enough to finally get some nice sandals for summer. It gets tiring going around barefoot all the time... I also need a phone, badly.

I'm doing well on the mock exam for the written driver test. I passed with 88% last time. I'd like to get a few more questions right though before I commit to taking the written exam and getting my temps.

I've been streaming games lately. I'm slowly accepting that my computer isn't good enough for it though. I might cap it off after I finish the two Game Boy Color Tomb Raiders; my Tomb Raider friends haven't played them before, or in a long time in some cases. So I want to show it to them.

I actually played and finished Clock Tower II: The Struggle Within with all endings. It wasn't as bad as everyone said. I mean, it wasn't as good as Clock Tower: The First Fear or Clock Tower, but it was alright. If it weren't so expensive like every fucking game in the series except Clock Tower 3, I would totally consider picking it up. As it stands, I find it lucky that I'm even thinking of buying Clock Tower and Haunting Ground. Maybe I should just mod my PS2...

Also, I started watching Ghost in the Shell. I watched the two movies. Ghost in the Shell (The film.) was alright. Maybe I missed all the subtext, but I didn't find it that amazing of a movie. Maybe it was because I watched Ghost in the Shell 2.0 rather than the original film, I dunno. Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence was better. It seems like it fully fleshed out the ending of the first movie, with Batou and the rest of Section 9 dealing with the after effects of Motoko's disappearance.

This lead into me watching Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex again. It's phenomenal, definitely one of my favorite anime. I love Section 9 so much! I plan to watch all of Ghost in the Shell: ARISE again after this, too. I've seen a lot of fans find it disappointing, but it seems like nerds get rage boners over everything and anything in this day and age. (No offense if you are that type of nerd.)

I don't come on as often as I should. I should probably at least write video game stuff once a week. I barely ever rant about that anymore. Maybe it was because I was playing Tomb Raider so often; not much you can bitch about when you've played a game multiple times.

I do read you guys' entries though. I promise. I just usually don't reply because I really have nothing to say... that or usually entries were from several days ago. I find it weird to reply to really old posts.
ethnicroadkill: (Sailor Moon)

The super-exciting long-awaited update to my Sailor Moon collection. I need to do a full collection update on it someday soon.
ethnicroadkill: (Aya Brea)
1/4 cup of white sugar
1/4 cup of flour
2 tbsp. of cocoa
2 tbsp. of oil
3 tbsp. of water
1 pinch of salt
(optional) garnish(es); ice cream, peanut butter, marshmallow creme, caramel sauce, etc.

1. Combine dry ingredients
2. Add oil and water
3. Mix until consistent
4. Microwave for 1 min 40 sec
5. Leave in microwave for 1 min to cool
6. Add garnish(es)
7. Enjoy

It's not bad. I recommend eating it with a spoon due to being really crumbly, and you should probably have a glass of milk on the side, since it's rather dry compared to an actual baked good. I forgot the salt on my inaugural microwave brownie though; not sure if that makes a difference.

Hope you're all having a nice new year so far. :)
ethnicroadkill: (Jill Valentine)
Well, I'm an hour late, but I may as well do the end-of-year fandom meme. I'm just gonna do the stripped-down version. I'll be posting the original in the comments, though!

Read more... )
ethnicroadkill: (Maki Sonomura)
2015 was shit shit shit shit in a shit salad with shitflakes on top and shitjuice on the side. Thank fuck it's over.
ethnicroadkill: (Lara Croft (2))
Well, I realize I sometimes never follow up with things from earlier entries, so I may as well do that now.

1. I lost my job at Sears.

2. I got a new PS3 controller. It works great. I had a minor hiccup with it earlier, but it appears to have sorted itself out--or I've become able ignore it.

3. I finished updating Phantasy Star generation:1's fan translation. It made me really happy to see so many people enjoying it.

4. Miraculous Ladybug (Or, Miraculous: The Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir, if you prefer the full title.) started up on Nickelodeon. I missed episodes 3 and 4, but I really like it so far. It's a pretty good magical girl cartoon, and it even includes a magical boy with a full transformation scene. I hope it gets pretty popular here in the US. It took them damn long enough, this shit was in development hell for 3 years.
ethnicroadkill: (Basch fon Ronsenburg x Vossler Azelas)
So far, I've gotten...

- Breath of Death VII
- Cthulu Saves the World
- Final Fantasy IV
- Final Fantasy VI
- Final Fantasy VIII
- Assorted different types of candies
- $25
- Icons from Sara (Aya Brea, Alis Landale, Lara Croft)

Thanks to my friends for the games, gifted via Steam. :) Apparently I may have more(?) on the way! So... that's a thing!

How have your guys' holidays been?
ethnicroadkill: (Maya Amano)
I feel like things might be looking up. Maybe that's just because I started playing Lightning Returns again. I'm trying to smile more and enjoy life, one day at a time. Maybe someday I'll find reason to be happy all the time. I like myself better with my silly lopsided smile.

I hope NightCry comes out this month like Nude Maker teased all those months ago. This sure was a hell of a wild year. Ups and downs like crazy. That's life though, it certainly doesn't stop.
ethnicroadkill: (Aya Brea)
I really have nothing happy to post lately. Sorry 'bout it.
ethnicroadkill: (Lucia)
Nothing really going on lately, as I said before.

1. I'm pretty sure I was just hired for a new job! I'll be working in the backroom of Sears, an American company that sells jewelry, appliances, yard hardware, and other electronics. It looks like a quiet store and I'll be working in the backroom on top of that, so I won't have the same problems as I had at the grocery store... hopefully. October 21st would be my projected start date. I need additional details.

2. I finally got to work on updating Phantasy Star generation:1's English translation... but I'm totally at the mercy of someone else. They haven't made their tools user-friendly, so I have to send my progress to them and wait for new versions of the ISO to come out. It's really annoying.

3. I found a bunch of unused text in Parasite Eve! Somebody released some translation tools for it, and I dumped the script and that's when I found it. There's some really interesting stuff in there, too. It's probably the biggest news to hit the fandom since we got The 3rd Birthday in 2011.

4. I managed to replace the PSP port of Tales of Eternia's opening FMV with the original Japanese one. For those not in the know, Eternia did the same thing a lot of Tales games did: removed the Japanese vocal opening and replaced it with a newly-composed instrumental that has nothing to do with the original song. It was the second Tales to do this, but I find it cool that I could replace it.

This is one of the few games where I think I at the least slightly prefer the Japanese voices... but unfortunately, Eternia actually dubbed the map hints, (Press Select to get one of the playable cast to comment on your current situation and where you need to go.) and it did so before the practice of putting in subtitles for said hints was common in Tales games. An undub exists of Tales of Eternia, but it doesn't subtitle the map hints, so I'm stuck with it in English unless I want to be stuck playing it at home.

But I'm trying to see if a casual play of Eternia will rekindle some love of the series. I fell hard out of love with Tales, and "You have a horrible money problem but enemies are dropping 40 gald" Symphonia isn't really helping that.

5. I got the 1/64 D-ratio in Breath of Fire V! I'm pretty proud of myself for being able to do it. I was only aiming for 1/256, too. Someday I'll do 1/4, but at least with this, I can get 100% map completion and see all the optional Scenario Overlay cutscenes.

6. I introduced my niece to Steven Universe. She seems to really like it. It's really refreshing to see actual children enjoying children's media. Which reminds me, I keep missing new episodes of it. Dammit. I hate having to watch it online. Next week, I'm setting an alarm...

7. My PS3 controller broke. Ugh! I luckily got to borrow one from my sister's friend, but this really sucks ass.

Nothing else is really going on. I hope I can get paid and replace my damn PS3 controller soon, and then my headphones.
ethnicroadkill: (Default)
(Kind of a mashup of that one Animal Crossing LP, the story Borrasca, The Hunger Games for some reason, and Resident Evil) Kid was abducted into this factory with a mansion above it. Lots of other kids there. Kid tries to escape. Apparently there are creatures in the factory too. Boy manages to survive, meets girl and boy. They all convene and attempt to devise ways to escape.

They meet the leader of the factory, a woman who kind of looks like Natla from Tomb Raider I. The kids realize they outnumber the adults and the main boy yells at them about this; the kids start to brutally tear the adults' flesh apart. Something else happens, perhaps an explosion of some sort?

Water rushes in at some point, possibly the factory is partially underwater? and all the kids escape. Their parents are dead(?) or something, and pretty much all of the important ones are adopted into loving new homes. For some reason, the main three kids decide to return to the island to try to figure out why they were there. Not sure if they get any intel or not; the whole place is flooded and they realize that there are dead bodies of the adult researchers in the factory.

Due to the fact that the virus is still rampant, the kids realize that the bodies are basically ticking time bombs to turn into zombies, if they already aren't and in hiding. One of the boys falls in the water, and it starts to rush and rise and they need to escape. Some of the other kids come and save them, but one of the older kids is mad with power and tries to start a Hunger Games. The kids prepare for it until they realize it's fucking stupid and leave.
ethnicroadkill: (Liir Ko x Trism bon Cavalish)
No updates because I haven't had anything happen in life worth updating about. Sorry.
ethnicroadkill: (Oerba Dia Vanille x Oerba Yun Fang)
Another fire in my neighborhood! Wow. This time, an old roofing building. It was scheduled for an eventual demolition, but the firefighters battled against the flames for 5 or 6 hours. It was put out after some time, but damn. Nothing's left but ruins. It was an old, unsafe building, so no one will really miss it. It seems like every place from my childhood is being changed or destroyed...
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